You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
