No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
