I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
