She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
