Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
