i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
