**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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