So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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