shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
