just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
