i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
