just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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