I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
