Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
