Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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