it was like his penis was on wheels.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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