Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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