This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
