never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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