I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize