If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
