Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
