So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
