Umm I'm too high to move.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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