I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
