I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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