I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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