He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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