Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
