my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize