listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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