I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
