Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
