he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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