i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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