last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
zippers are such a cool invention
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
