So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
