So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
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