hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
