You can't special order awesome
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
