the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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