He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Randomize