Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
