Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
