; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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