Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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