I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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