go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
