You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Pooping to opera.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
