i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
