WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
