walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
NoShamevember. You game?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
