i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
