so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
