and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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