i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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