ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
