I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
