She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
wow bdsm is so cute
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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