Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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