wakey wakey hands off snakey
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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