White coat. Heels.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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