Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
