no, he came in my armpit
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
