Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize