the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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