Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
