Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
tell me about the eggs
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
