Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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