Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
