All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
